It would be naive of me to say this was unfair. This life is anything but fair. At the moment its treating me well compared to others. Its just me not appreciating it. Its just me not being fair. I should do the right thing, and I know what that is; I’m just putting it off. I’m just eating up all his words. It’s horrendous. And wrong. I can’t reciprocate. I’ve got someone else. This isn’t right. I don’t know what to do about it though. Would it be wrong to send him away for the sake of fending off the temptation? Would it make this easier? I’m not sure if I really even want that either. I know the easy way. I just can’t decide.
The box is small. Easily mistaken for trash. I’d toss it if it weren’t for what’s still inside. Those three sheets of paper. I could seal them away in my closet, or tuck them from sight under my bed. Everyone throws away the wrapping paper of any gift. It’s Good & Plenty though. The label stands out on the bright candy box, beckoning me inside every time I see it. The candy is gone and so is the sweet scent. I’m not one for licorice either. But every time I see it, His words flash in my mind and I have to hold myself still to really appreciate what he said. I don’t want to call it a love letter. He did after all deliver it to me in a candy box. It wasn’t sappy or corny. But it made me smile. I think that counts for something. I think it counts enough for me not to toss it like any other empty candy box.
Sometimes I wake up at 5 am. Its not really 5 yet but I can tell its close. There’s light seeping in from underneath the shutters, not bright, but just enough to show a difference. I just lay there wondering why I’m awake. What was happening moments before? Was I dreaming? Sometimes I’ll know if I had been dreaming and other times I just imagine all the possible things I could have dreamt had I been dreaming at all. Its so strange though because I’m not a morning person. I usually sleep them away til the late afternoon. Its sad how I can’t really appreciate the morning. Though the only time I ever do, at 5 am, I think I get it. The calmness of it all. Kind of like right now. I hear the birds that are waking everyone else up with their calls. Its soothing. I also feel the difference in the air too. It’s still crisp from the chill night, but now there’s light so its not so foreboding. 5 am isn’t so bad.