12786.) Thinking about how old I was when I lost my virginity, and the scum bag who took it makes me want to crawl out of my skin. It was about two years ago, and I can't get over how much he disgusts me or how I'll never be able to get something like that back. No one really understands, knows, or would care about how much it's scarred me. It probably will for the rest of my life. I wish it wasn't such a big deal.
“Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is…Crazy isn’t being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever.”—Girl, Interrupted (via paleshades) (via suzywire)
i remember i cried when i got home. not because i felt regret or guilt or anxiety. but because i felt like i was splitting in two. his endowment had pushed me farther than i had ever gone in my life, physically at least. all i could feel was this gaping hole that refused to seal itself whole again. i didnt bleed blood. i bled my innocence.
It was a year ago then, and its two years ago now. The seasons have changed and so have we.